Conservative Men Are Dickless Cowards Hiding Behind God and Guns: How Right-Wing Misogyny Is Just Fear of Unfuckable Irrelevance

Let the brittle sons of patriarchy read this and sweat, for they have long mistaken their trembling hands for firm command. In the words of Alexander Hamilton, "Men give me credit for genius; all the genius I have lies in this: when I have a subject in hand, I study it profoundly." And study we must, for the subject before us is a poisoned creed, where conservatism and misogyny are not two distinct forces but one hydra-headed monster dressed in the cloak of tradition. Strip it of its Latin, its sanctimonious sermons, and its talk of "family values," and what remains is fear. Not reverence, not order, but unfiltered, patriarchal terror at the sight of a woman unbound.

To suggest that conservatism and misogyny are separate is to misunderstand the foundations of both. Conservatism is not merely a set of political ideas; it is a psychological condition. It feeds on hierarchy, depends on obedience, and cannot function without the false idol of male supremacy. The conservative man does not argue policy. He performs dominance. He does not defend principle. He defends turf. And in every policy he pushes, from forced birth legislation to tax codes that reward male labor and penalize female autonomy, he reveals his hand. The enemy is not liberalism. The enemy is the woman who does not need him.

Let us begin where they cannot hide: the body. In no other arena is conservative hysteria more transparent than in its obsession with controlling women’s reproduction. They do not call it ownership. They call it morality. They speak of protecting life, yet never once do they fight for childcare, healthcare, or education for that life once born. Their morality is mirage. The truth is in their fear. The idea of a woman choosing when and whether to reproduce unravels their entire self-worth. Because a woman who does not need a man to define her womb is a woman who cannot be bribed with security or silenced with shame. She is, in their eyes, a threat.

Misogyny, you see, is not incidental to conservative values. It is the spine. When they preach "traditional family," they mean female servitude. When they shout "parental rights," they mean paternal control. When they cry for "protecting women’s sports," they mean policing gender roles and disciplining deviation. It is not concern. It is punishment. Punishment for straying from a script written by men too weak to compete with women on equal ground.

And they are weak. Not in the romantic sense, but in the brutal, historical sense that Emily Brontë understood when she gave us Heathcliff, a man whose cruelty was the only tool he had to command power. Conservative men fancy themselves protectors, but they are not noble. They are petty tyrants. They call feminism a disease, when what they truly mean is that equality feels like exile from the world they thought they owned. Every policy that elevates women, every school lesson that centers our voices, every law that expands our freedom, to them, is a crime. Not against order. Against them.

Conservative economic policy reveals the same script, played in a different key. Tax systems favor breadwinners, not caregivers. Employment protections favor full-time male-coded labor, not the patchwork lives of women balancing unpaid labour with paid survival. Social programs are slashed under the banner of personal responsibility, which is simply the state echoing the conservative father’s voice: if you are poor, you deserve it. If you are struggling, work harder. If you are hurt, stop crying. In this landscape, women are expected to bear children, raise them, nurse their husbands' egos, and then die quietly without burdening the system. This is not economics. This is gender warfare, and they have been waging it for centuries.

One might ask, what of conservative women? Are they too soaked in misogyny? The answer, heartbreakingly, is yes. Conservative women are not immune to the narcotic of patriarchal approval. In many cases, they become its most fervent enforcers. They are rewarded not for defiance but for compliance. Their role is to embody the fantasy: the grateful wife, the silent mother, the ornament of a man’s virtue. In exchange for proximity to power, they police other women with a cruelty only the converted can muster. Like St. Paul’s mad chorus, they whisper submission into the ears of girls too young to understand they are being trained for cages.

When a man calls himself a conservative today, he is announcing that he does not believe women are equal. He may not say it in those terms, but his policy preferences betray him. He votes for men who brag about assaulting women. He cheers when women are criminalized for their own miscarriages. He snickers at rape jokes and scoffs at the wage gap. He is not a man of principle. He is a man of panic. And every inch of social progress feels, to him, like a personal loss. This is why he talks of "taking back America." From whom, precisely? From the women who finally found their voices?

Let us then name what conservatism truly is: a rearguard action against history. The tide of human progress threatens their illusion of superiority, so they dig trenches around 1950 and declare it holy ground. But time is not on their side. Nor is justice. Nor is decency. Every girl taught to speak her truth, every woman who rises in defiance, is a blade in the wall they are trying to build around us. And we will not go back.

They are not strong. They are not righteous. They are cowards draped in camouflage and clutching AR-15s like toddlers with pacifiers. They bark about freedom but cannot handle a woman with her own bank account. They rage at drag queens reading books while letting their own daughters marry off to men twice their age in the name of Christian modesty. Their vision of America is not built on liberty. It is built on ownership. They want to own women like land, pass us down like property, protect us like livestock until the day they decide we are old enough to be discarded.

This is not accidental. This is ideology. They do not support church and state. They support church as state. Their Bible is a weapon, their god a jealous frat boy, and their saviour looks suspiciously like a white man with a pickup truck and a fragile ego. If you doubt it, look at their laws. Look at the way they write policy like love letters to the Inquisition. Look at how they strip autonomy from bodies and call it divine. They are not moral. They are frightened. They are not defending civilisation. They are clinging to a dying illusion of masculinity no one wants to resurrect.

Hamilton would have spat on their cowardice. Brontë would have written them as ghosts haunting the future. And we must treat them as such. Not with patience. With fire. Because this is no longer a debate. It is a reckoning. And they are losing.

So let them call us witches. Let them shriek about man-hating feminists. Let them cry into their bourbon-soaked Fox News pillows that women are ruining everything. Because we are. We are ruining the world they built on our backs. And we are not sorry.

We are not going back. We are coming for everything they thought they owned.

And they should be afraid.